Do you try to love unconditionally?

No, I never do and never will. I disagree with the notion of "unconditional love". Like all other emotions, "love" always and necessarily has a very real source in the workings of our minds that I believe is traceable and explainable and I believe we MUST all make a conscious effort to do both. That it is so, in my opinion, does not reduce the impact of the emotion or its significance nor does this rational approach to human emotion imply such a consciously understood love is any less intense. Quite the contrary. It's my belief that understanding the very real conditions at the root of every one of our emotions allows us to fully integrate them into who we are and want to be to work consistently for our benefit rather than to continually work against what we know is right and prudent for ourselves and those we care for. Knowing what led to love in our minds allows us to consciously encourage the conditions needed to increase its intensity and experience a more realistic and valuable kind of love. All too often, we fall victim to our emotions because we disconnect them from what is true, from condition. And too, we are often emotionally numb because we do not notice or understand when conditions dictate we ought to be empassioned but clearly are not. In other words, there are times for great emotion and times when emotion is unwarranted. We must become practiced in knowing which is which. The way to do that is to restore all emotion to real conditions instead of leaving them to chance.

"Unconditional love" is an attempt to remove our emotions from their source - our personal experiences, our understanding, our values, our goals, current context, changes in context, etc. which effectively cuts us off from control over them and, in my thinking, cuts us off from their potential value while overly exposing us to their dangers. I don't believe "unconditional love", in its literal meaning, is actually love at all. Saying that one can love no matter what has happened, is happening, or will happen, i.e. love regardless of what is true, is necessarily saying that one's love has no weakness and therefore can have no real strength.

A conscious love tied to very real conditions means a supportable love means a strong love. A love, conscious or subconscious but, in any event, disconnected from any real conditions - i.e., disconnected from cause and effect, from consequence - means an unsupportable love means a love too weak to maintain and of no real value to those we claim to love. Rational love can be believed and trusted. If one is the recepient of such love, one knows clearly why it exists, what it takes to keep it alive and what will surely destroy it. The "unconditional" or irrational love has no answer to why, no clear indication of what it takes to keep it and no clue to why and when it will end. Such a "love" does neither the lover nor the loved any favors and spends valuable time pretending to what could otherwise be authentic emotion directed at the truly deserving.

None of this is to say, however, that many of those who claim "unconditional love" do not feel that love genuinely. What this is saying is, although they call it "unconditional", I would argue it actually is not. I've seen that, quite often, although we and others may believe the love we feel is inexplicable, in fact, it is quite often simply consciously unexplained until we choose to give it conscious thought. When our feelings are being tested by events and behaviors, who hasn't from time to time asked themselves "Why do I love _______ ?" Fill in the blank with whatever or whomever you claim to love unconditionally or "inexplicably". We may not have arrived at love or feelings as a conscious choice, however, we often arrive at love by subconscious choice out of very real conditions which we promptly dismissed in our minds once we'd dealt with them and for all sorts of personal and cultural reasons. I happen to believe most of our reasons for dismissing the conditions that do genuinely exist behind all of the emotions we feel regardless of their direction are terribly unhealthy ones.

Leaving love to whim and disconnected from conditions leads us to grant love when it is grossly undeserved and leads us frequently to deny love when it has instead been genuinely earned. Reconnecting our emotions to the conditions that led or lead or will lead to them restores their value to ourselves and others and restores us, hopefully, to the status of whole human beings.

I like to say, careful in your desires to disconnect from reality - you often get what you wish for ... and then some.